Cold, Lonely

by Twan - Aries

I sit silently.

I think about the days we had
Happy sometimes, others mad
By rights you belonged...well not to me
I loved you, but you said we could not be

Under skies that turned quickly from purple to black
Where I was perfect and forgot all the qualities I lack
We threw away all our inhibitions for a chance at finding a mate
Only to realize that "the one" wasn't part of our fate
And the days changed. Decreased. Increased. Bold. 
Left us hiding our feelings, pretending to be cold.
How we've changed. Grown older, not wiser, yet more
The reality hit us like a fist, chilled to our core
We're all dying, none of us get out of this alive
Some days we loved till the clock struck A.M...five. 
And I walk into the park to watch life go by
To listen to dogs bark and watch birds fly

How we've changed. Made decisions, things become, not remain
Where many pass from our lives yet cause pain
Lonely? Never me, and never because
We protect ourselves by lying to ourselves, never what it was. 
And the last time I saw you. What I remember so well
Is what berates me mentally, and it feels like hell
I failed to understand what it was that is fate
And now, God Damn It, it's too late.

How could love be a sin? Why the words within
Never come out when they should, which is where I've been?
I decided long ago to retreat into my head
Which is where I remain, trapped with the words I've said

In time I may forgive. I may even forget
Some time before my final doom I will have met
I attack myself everyday and berate and insult
I suffer inwardly the slings and arrows of my own tumult

I realize now where it all leads me, to where I am now
to where I cry and curse and ask myself how
From this rage there is no real exemption
Which is why I see helping you all as my only redemption.

I have no words. Excuses. Affirmations. Explanations. Defendings. 
All love stories don't have happy endings.

Lost in my own head, I sit silently.
Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2011-12-23 07:05:41
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:47:17
Poem ID: 72244

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